Memories

I was remembering tonight the days after I first found out my waters had broken around 17 weeks.  I was admitted to hospital and told that there was a 90% chance that I would go into labour within 48 hours.  As it happened, I didn't, Paige held on for another 11 weeks to my amazement.  I remember the first night I kept thinking over Psalm 23 again and again because I was so terrified.  The day after the bereavement midwife came to see me before I was discharged.  She told me what to do if the baby came at home which was terrifying.  She advised Paddy and I to go and buy a blanket to put the baby in when it was born, which we did, and we also bought a tiny elephant teddy for her.  I also bought a card with Psalm 23 written on it.  I always felt that the words were for Paige as much as they were for me.

My darling Paige,
The Lord is your shepherd
You have everything you need
He lets you lie down in green meadows
He has led you beside peaceful streams
He is renewing your strength
He guided you along right paths
Bringing honour to his name.

Even when you walked
through the valley of the shadow of death
You were not afraid
For He was close beside you
His rod and his staff
Brought you protection and comfort.

He prepared a feast for you
In the presence of your enemies
He welcomed you as a guest
And annointed your head with oil
Your cup is overflowing with blessings
His goodness and unfailing love
Will pursue you all the days of your life
And you will live in the house of the Lord forever.

These memories are very special to me, even thought they are sad, because they are the things that happened while Paige was on this earth.  I feel extremely blessed that Paige did not come at that time because I feel it gave me more time with her and when she was born, I had a chance to give her a cuddle, as did her grandparents and we have lots of photos and memories of that time.